Sunday, August 10, 2008
first things first. thank you to all who came to watch the recital on thursday.. though it might not have been good or up to standard, really thank you for all the time, encouragement and support... really appreciate everything, and sorry to have disappointed you all. (:
next. friday was cross-country run then movie marathon. congrats to all who won medals and WELL DONE to all 4F participants! thank you for representing the class.. haha.. you'll tried your best already, so don't blame yourselves ok! stood at the finishing line to cheer on those going to finish the race... haha kudos to their perseverance... 4km..
movie marathon on friday night.. super tired lar.. but no choice, still had to pull it off. our last event.. we all wanted to give it our best shot, but yea, things don't always go according to how we want it? watched leap years for the second time, surprisingly didn't tear... only movie i watched that night, before finally conking out on the canteen bench. zzz.
i know it's just this sudden loss. this realisation that there is no more 'next time' that is hurting us. i can't deny that i am sad too. that i am reluctant to put all of these down. it's been a year.. from a grp of 'strangers' to, if i can say, a family. a group of people who have 'no choice but to work with one another', we have learnt to accept and complement each other. each of us is different. that probably explains the many 'conflicts and disagreements' we had throughout the entire year. so much that at times, they really overwhelmed us and made us want to stop. but we stood through it, and we bonded. we ran the race. we have reached the end of it. we had to face it all together. and now, i'm unwilling to let go. let go of the bonds we have forged. let go of the times we spent. it'll be so empty. without those 'gate duties'. without running around every morning settling announcers and all that rushed printing of calendars, doing school tours, and arranging gate duties. as much as i don't want to emo, i can't. i really will miss council stuff. we've come to the end, and it's now up to the new exco to take over, to bring council to greater heights, to outdo us and show the world what dhssc is made of. jiayou my darling juniors, we've faith in you all. and to the other ten of you, THANK YOU VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH. i'll never forget those council days, and you guys will, always, be a part of my memory, no matter how things go in future, i'm glad, and honoured, to have had you guys as friends. as family.
and to you. i really don't know how to speak to you anymore,i don't even know why we have drifted apart till this extent. we used to be able to talk, or rather, we BOTH BOTHered to talk to each other. now? you seem so much like a complete stranger. maybe i really don't understand. but how can i understand if you don't say anything? maybe cos we're both 'feeling' people. and that's where the contradiction comes in. we're both afraid to try. too afraid of the consequences to let our feelings be made known. i don't know about you, but i'm really scared to lose this friendship. i wish to tell you everything. how i really feel. what i've been bottling up inside. but i can't. cos i don't know if i will then lose this friendship forever. i'm tired of guessing. guessing how you're feeling. guessing what you're thinking. fine i brought all these upon myself. in the first place, if i could just have not bothered about anything, not cared, i wouldn't even be facing this problem of having to learn how to let go. and i really can't, cos i really don't want to give up on this friendship. you mean more than that to me, you really do, yet i don't know how to explain it to you. i hate myself, i hate myself for allowing myself to sink so deep, so deep i can't get out, i hate myself, hate myself for 'liking' you. it's not your fault. it's just me.
life rocks ^^
rachel ♥
10:02 PM
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