Friday, March 28, 2008
so... this week was supposed to be a stress'less' week.. with no tests (for most ppl except mep :x), but other things just had to come along. haha nevermind i'm used to it already ^^. only... about half a year more.. half a year more to freedom... and maybe... 9 months more.. to a new start. haha. don't think many will understand what i mean but oh well (:
first of all, the dear birthday babies! happy birthday to... qianye, yanlin dear <33, yixiang, sieweng and cynthia!
cr outing today. pictures:
it's time to get jerked back to reality. after all, there's roadshow to rosyth tmr, school on monday, taiwan ppl coming on tues, and 2346789 tests like maths ct, chem ct blah blah blah. and not to forget the si han i still owe liu lao shi (sry!!!) so yea.
it's ok rachel... just 6 more weeks to the end of the studying term... and 10++ school weeks to the end of exams.. and 20++ school weeks.. to the end.. yea.. i don't believe, i can't overcome this. jiayou to everyone else too!
rachel ♥
7:32 PM
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Saturday, March 22, 2008
gongyan! (:
gongyan is finally over. mixed feelings. haha. today was an emotional roller coaster. hmmm. scared, nervous, stony, confused, pissed, happy, touched, blah blah blah... all in one day. what a long day. haha. but somehow this gongyan seems to have passed very fast. the feeling that it's gongyan didn't really sink in until like yesterday. sad... maybe because there was essentially only one zoutai larh... sigh. i really can't believe.. this is the last time i am performing.. officially as zaiji.. hmmm.. seriously. it's been 4 years. woah. looking back, i don't remember it being such a long time. not at all. argh.
enough of being 'emo', time to thank some people! thank you everyone who wished me luck, supported me, bought me gifts and everything k... it's not the present that matters, it's the thought that counts! (: really! so whether it's a wish or what, i appreciate it all the same.
thank you EXCO 0708! i really really really really really don't know what to say.. the flowers and chocolates.. hmm. and not to forget the card... drawn by some artistic person.. *grins* thank you VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY much ok! you all were one of my main motivations to give my best shot today. seriously. i don't know what i'll do without all of your support and understanding lar.. so... heartfelt gratitude. for the screams and everything... I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS ROCK! <3333
ok next. thank you weixun, egan, elaine, nicholas, lionel gor(!), xiangyu, weicong, zina etc for coming down to support and your gifts ok! (: will put up the photo soon :D
also, thank you to a very very special person, dearest JEENISE NG whom i can't imagine what i am going to do without her. thanks for ALWAYS being there, for the hugs, for the sweaty palms :D, for the chocolates, for the support and encouragement.. blahblahblah. haha. sad, we didn't cry on stage. i can't get $1 from yihui. :O Lol! thank you to daniel too, for being a wonderful page turner. hmm. sry you had to see my nervousness today.. haha. thanks loads! xD and also not to forget 'red bull' senior weicheng, lol for the 'lucky 5cent coin' and just basically for the crazyness to make us not nervous larh. haha. whether or not it worked is another issue (:
one chapter of my life is closed, life in co as a zaiji. haha. 4 years.. just like that. really can't believe it. but no matter what, someday, sometime, somehow, we'll have to move on... so while the passion's still there, DHSCOGYDZ ROCKS! and DHSCOGY too! (: though we didn't get to take pictures today... but well... haha MAYBE there'll be another chance. MAYBE. have a good rest everyone! WELL DONE! :D
rachel ♥
11:37 PM
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
cr outing after sports day k? (: jiahui don't worry, we'll be the BEST and MOST EFFICIENT dept.. haha... other dept ppl don't come and kill me! i say only larh.. haha don't know whether can be done.. nevermind yanlin we shall be positive! jiayou! :D
but it's quite hard to, when everything else is not going right.... i really feel like screaming.. it's not ok.
rachel ♥
11:38 PM
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Wednesday, March 12, 2008
心在痛一遍，就能听见．．．
i love my imeem list... though not created by me.. -.- 我爱的人 is such a meaningful song larh... seriously... never fails to get me emo.. lol.... so conclusion：songs which get me emo are meaningful? hmmm... anw here are the lyrics... enjoy! （：我知道故事不会太曲折我总会遇见一个什么人陪我过没有了她的人生成家立业之类的等等她做了她觉得对的选择我只好祝福她真的对了爱不到我最想要爱的人谁还能要我怎样呢我爱的人不是我的爱人她心里每一寸都属于另一个人她真幸福幸福得真残忍让我又爱又恨她的爱怎么那么深我爱的人她已有了爱人从他们的眼神说明了我不可能每当听见她或他说「我们」就像听见爱情永恒的嘲笑声had exco meetings, co practices, sc, blah blah... bio test was ok... like phew and yay... hopefully results wont' disappoint... bbq at mr teo's house was G-R-E-A-T! though was quite tired and all... and miraculously, the bbq cured my sore throat. Lol! hmm... pictures up another day, feeling seriously lazy now.. haha! oh anw, if you read this.. thank you for everything.. and sry for all the inconveniences and troubles i have brought you... thank you VERY VERY MUCH! :D Lol hearftfelt gratitude ok.. very sincere one.. ^^ happy holidays everyone, whatever is left of it.. and jiayou to all gonna-be homework chiongers, including yours truly ：D
rachel ♥
11:44 PM
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Saturday, March 8, 2008
holidays?
Yay. it's been a long time since i could breathe like this, without feeling duper stressed, even though there are still many things weighing me down. haha. though holidays aren't going to seem like one, at least it is still called holidays, and that warrants some looking forward to :D
just went out with liqin to watch leap years! (: don't wry i can watch it again, i won't mind very much, it's seriously a very nice show! i actually cried quite late into the show, quite surprising i could 'hold' so long. and i was still chiding myself for being cold-hearted and being shocked at not crying. haha. it's immediately after that thought that i started crying buckets. o.0 zzz... walked around after to get some stuff, and tada! now i'm home. haha. shangyin was actually ok, hmmm learnt a new song... haha teacher gave up on teaching me two of the songs cos he knew it wasn't my style -.- omg is my 'style' really so easily recognisable? hmm... their perception of me.. is it really me?
it's time to try to rework my body clock this holidays, finish up all my homework, PACK THE ROOM, file all my stuff, do the things i need to do, blah blah blah i know that's a lot and i essentially only have 168 hours! :O argh... it's time to get cracking! happy 'holidays' everyone! jiayou! (:
i am sorry i am unable to give you an answer, but actually you already have an answer in mind. and that answer you think is the 'right one', has already been fixed, confirmed and decided, so it actually doesn't make a difference what my answer is, as you won't accept it if it's not what you want. isn't it? you don't know how bad you make me feel with all your smses and the tone you use, and when i see you emo how much i am at a loss for words. maybe you can try seeing things from a different light? and maybe you will understand how hard it is. i don't blame you at all. really. i can understand how you are feeling when you look at this matter from that point of view. after all, it concerns you in a way. maybe i don't have the capacity to care. or maybe, i don't have the right to love anyone...
rachel ♥
6:45 PM
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Saturday, March 1, 2008
what makes you think we don't appreciate you? well, we may not say it out. but all those encouragement, all those 'good jobs', pats on the back, 'well dones'. they meant something, no? you are not NOT appreciated. we were just never good at expressing ourselves. but it remains a fact that, you're not ok. and neither are we.
rachel ♥
8:02 PM
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courage
the week has been pretty terrible, with the gonna-flunk physics test, history test which died on me, chinese summary practice which i failed(!), and the various unearthly times slept at. for the first time in my entire life, i slept at 1,2,3,1,1 am consecutively! gosh. and the repercussion: i woke up at 11.30 am today, missing my tuition at 10am! :O oops. haha! sorry jeenise... cannot go study with you already...
Misunderstandings are caused by understanding. serious. sometimes by trying to understand someone else, you take on a wrong perspective and you see certain things in a different way. so when you think you understand, you actually don't. and when you do something to try to help the person who you think you understand, you result in a misunderstanding. it takes courage to say what you really wanna say, therefore it is not your fault. really. we are all tired. we tried. there has been really few opportunities for us to come together, be it just for fun or for work's sake. somehow we end up more caught up with everything else, be it in our own game of life or with schoolwork etc. therefore, we understand. we really do. maybe not in the exact context. but i believe, similar. we are all stressed, and we all have periods when we are down. when a team works together, there will therefore naturally be conflicts, and people end up being unhappy with one another. but that's what we should learn to grow from! pick ourselves up, and all stand together in trying to resolve the conflict and try to find the best solution for the situation. but is it fair if only one side tries? don't just give up on us, don't just give up. we have stood together strong, and this will definitely pull us together closer and more bonded, if we are able to overcome it. we should not let it triumph over us and ruin what is already existing... no?
maybe if you see this, you'll think that this is super fake and insincere. by all means, believe what you want. but i assure you from the bottom of my heart, that i still regard this team as one family. we have grown through challenges, solved things together, and i really have grown from being part of this family. regarding the question you asked me. you'll have become a part of school life, rather life, which i cannot do without. from being apprehensive and scared of being in this family at first, i have grown to love all of you, every single one. yes there are times when we are pissed with one another, that i can't deny, but what's a family without squabbles? a family doesn't only have good times... at the end of our journey when we look back, i believe those days we had when we were in tears over conflicts or misunderstandings will be etched deep in us as well. "you can't and don't quit a family." this is a family i am really proud of, one i really love, and therefore i really really hope we will be able to survive this 'ordeal' and emerge stronger. perhaps we can go find opportunities if fate really 'denies' us of them, and find chances to do things together, to understand one another better, be it just casual chat sessions, serious work sessions, fun outing sessions or crazy thrash-out sessions. we don't have much time left, so we should really treasure the fate that has bound us together... no?
we will never quit on you. so please don't ever quit on us.
rachel ♥
11:40 AM
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