Saturday, October 31, 2009
happiness/ fear is a state of mind...
last-minute decision to watch movie today, thank you liqin for going with me <3 hmmmm love happens... not bad, quite meaningful and inspiring actually, and there were like so many couples all around haha.. sweet. thought i'd get a good cry out of it but surprisingly, i only teared... and people around us were like sobbing pretty hard? hmmmm what's wrong with me lol. some parts of the show make alot of sense... and yea, happy ending.. that's the most impt part haha. as much as happy endings may not happen in reality, they always look good in shows (: so once again thanks darling for accompanying me!
ankle still hurts pretty much, but not as pain alr... throat's been recovering (HAH SEE THAT OLI!) though i haven't been really abstaining from food lol but whtever. staying over for pw again tmr, yay love my pw grp. let's see if we can break our record and not sleep LOL. no piano till next sat... temporary happiness (: it's going to be a busy week ahead, pls give me the strength to go through with it.... esp with the flu jab and *gasps* lunwen. speaking of which, i haven't edited my lunwen proposal and i am suddenly so not looking forward to going china with the itenary filled with lectures every weekday morning and lunwen consultation and chionging practically filling up all the nights. add on holiday hw from other subjects, H3, programme notes, and the probable scoldings i will get for not practising piano for a month, and the chionging for orientation and stuff, and pretty much it will equate to a hectic, screwed holiday :x sigh...
when a door towards happiness closes on you, another opens. but too much of the time, we focus only on the closed door so much that we miss the open one... walking around city hall brings back so much memories... missing you, as usual.
rachel ♥
8:23 PM
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Friday, October 30, 2009
went school today for lunwen consultation... slacked around aimlessly with miss khoo (: ... miss khoo went for wushu and i went to canteen.. supposed to find joy but met yx and kiansiong.. [stupid yx :x] linda came over... and we ended up chatting.. HAHA! sorry girl.. and thank you (: went to joy's house.... we... erm... HAHA were supposed to hurry to meet jyz and sam BUT well... we ended up being 20 mins late :x sam and jyz missed 2 31(s) cos of tt, sorry! continued filming at toa payoh.. everything went pretty well? wanted to return to the stadium to catch the sunset but it ended up raining :x and now i'm drenched, kind of at least, and i don't know wht i am still doing in front of the computer... HAHA.
i've made up my mind... i don't mind waiting for you... whether or not others support me, i'll still feel that it's worth it. some tell me to keep the faith and trust in you... i will. and i hope we'll be worth a second shot somewhere in the near future, when the time is right (:
rachel ♥
9:21 PM
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Thursday, October 29, 2009
2nd op trials tmr, going-to-come sore throat + hurting ankle. well done rachel. followed by another disappointing piano session. sigh. life sucks.
do you know.. how much i miss you...?
rachel ♥
12:24 AM
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
filming today around singapore... lol sorry i shouldn't have done it portrait... sorry sorry... it's been a long day.. rest well yup (: been having piano lessons twice a week to make up for the lessons missed during bsp trip, sigh.... it's really not that i don't practise... but i know you don't believe me, so i really shan't try to defend myself anymore. why is it always like that... why don't you all ever listen to what i say... why... whyyyyyyyyy......................
突然好想你
最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己
突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛
我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念品
我们那麽甜那麽美那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去
最怕此生已经决定自己过没有你
却又突然听到你的消息
it happened again ytd night... another seemingly real dream... how many more of these do i have to go thru... if you don't want to bring me to heaven, god, why give me the illusions... it hurts to be dropped from heaven to hell within minutes... how much more can i take.. where's the limit... pr... i'm not brave... i'm not strong... in fact, i don't know why i'm so freaking weak.. i thought i'd be ok... and i really tried to be, but as evening came, the same feeling consumed me yet again... how long am i going to take this time... what if... in future.. the feelings have changed... what am i supposed to do then? don't make me give you up... i can't do it.
rachel ♥
7:23 PM
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Monday, October 26, 2009
lost. beaten.
don't put yourself down anymore. i have never given up on you, or neither have i ever hated you. take care.
rachel ♥
10:47 AM
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Wednesday, October 21, 2009
what on earth is wrong with me i am totally in no control of my feelings this is bad i am sleepy i feel like screaming i am not emoing at least trying not to i don know that state is returning this is bad bad bad bad baddddddddddddddddd oh whatever goodnight world not like anyone cares anyway damn you stupid rt you suck.
rachel ♥
1:12 AM
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Friday, October 16, 2009
the baboon, cow, dog and elephant will be fighting for the apples next year! lol. i'll strive harder next year... yup, that's a promise. pw.... my group has a fairly interesting and unconventional way of communicating... by 'debating' and 'arguing'.. haha! but nevertheless, it's fun to work with them, (really trains critical thinking lol!) and yup, i love my pw grp! (but not the subject lol) let's chiong... then we can get our dtf treat YAY (:
take care of yourself... don't overwork yup... and thank you, you'd be surprised at how those words make everything turn right (:
rachel ♥
10:23 PM
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Saturday, October 10, 2009
first up, thank you darlings for always being there, esp peirong, jeenise, yilin, liqin, sophia, amanda, jiayanz, mayping. love you girls loads, regardless of what happens (: special mention to miss gan... LOL!
so, results back. hmmmm to be honest, i'm disappointed, especially for chem which i guess i can say i studied quite hard for, but oh wells. forget it.
i'm really happy for you that you improved though, at least God answered half my prayer :D now's time to rush pw, lunwen, mep H3 research paper and dip prep... sigh. i feel like not taking any more exams, but well let's just finish it up. november's going to be really busy... with the border's performance, inaug, oral presentation, bro's birthday chalet and hopefully gatherings with ppl whom i haven't seen in ages, preparation for chuida concert, orientation... guess it'll be overwhelming, but hopefully fulfilling. and i still haven't gotten over the fact that i can't go for the law internship. and from 21st, it's off to china for a month with my books (: yes, sad life, it's time to *gasps* finish up my lunwen, programme notes, and probably do some revision before next year so that my grades will not be so hauntingly disappointing. all in china. i'm sorry, mum and dad.l i want to go there, i really do. but at the same time, i'm scared everytime i wonder what will the one month bring. absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
last but not least, thank you for giving us one more chance. though i may not sound like it, i'm really happy, and i hope you are too. i'll cherish it. i'll cherish.. us. and, maybe it doesn't sound convincing enough to you, but, dear, i really do love you.
rachel ♥
11:41 AM
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Wednesday, October 7, 2009
judgement day tomorrow. another item to help make my life even richer in the grey/black spectrum. haha! no complaints though, grey/black are nice colours. rarh.
i'm getting on my own nerves. stupid rachel tang, stop thinking.
ok done. stopped.
ya right, who am i kidding?
"I didn't expect you to fall so hard.""I didn't either, but truth is, I did."
rachel ♥
10:30 PM
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Monday, October 5, 2009
you have this amazing capability... to brighten my whole day when you're happy... and to darken it when you're not... i don't dare to say i know you well enough... but i think i can tell when you're lying... so i'd rather you not pretend. you said you never expected yourself to react the way you did... i didn't know i would be so worried too... this is the third time... and each time i just fall deeper...
but i know that if i truly want you to be happy, maybe we should just let go...and if this is really what you want, i will respect your decision...
rachel ♥
11:34 PM
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Saturday, October 3, 2009
so i still have one more paper. SIGGGGHHHHH. promos was... bad?! haha! but nonetheless, congrats to all year 5s for surviving them yea! after mep on monday, i'll be free... like finally.. for a pathetic 2 or 3 days before the reality sinks in. getting back 4 papers on thurs and 1 on friday. argh. life's great eh. for gp.. i wrote on "there's no place for failure in today's society." honestly, i totally agree to it. don't ppl judge you by results? ya they say the process matters, it's the effort that counts blah but ultimately, what they determine you by are your results. no? the warped reality of this world. argh i'm incoherent again. china, come quick please. save for the flu jab, everything else about china seems so much more appealing. even the thought of working my head off for lunwen there, and burying the pain with all the work, seems pretty good now. everything does, in face of the impending doom. darn. 好朋友：罗志祥
像两首节拍不同的歌
却又同时被爱情合奏
旋律勉强着
愉快不能够假装快乐
你心中有宽阔的天空
空气还稀薄
曾经等待因为会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我
你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过
于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心
还会不会寂寞
如果爱情是五线谱
我只希望用全音符
吟唱出爱上你
那完整的幸福
但你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱着歌
你也只看见我哭了
你说我是你最好的朋友
却不应该再拥抱着
你退缩你冷漠
于是我放开双手
不在乎我的心会永远的寂寞
there are some things which i just can't tell you. though i really want to, and i think i need to. things like how much it hurts when i don't know how to help you. how much it hurts to know how important i am in comparison to them. but i don't say anything. cos i don't want to appear to be a jealous gf.but there's so much i can take... i don't know what will happen in the future, and i don't dare to think about it. so i just want to create more happy memories for/with you. for your sake, or for mine. i'm sorry. i'd be lying if i said all the disappointments didn't hurt. but i'll just keep lying, till the day when you find it out for yourself. i never meant to hurt you. trust me.
rachel ♥
11:17 PM
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