Wednesday, November 18, 2009
you all don't even f-ing understand me. so stop acting like you know everything. last minute tell me want to go celeb his birthday. and you say you told me very long ago. why is he the only one impt to you all anw. and it becomes my fault cos i bloody selfishly just think about myself and my school events. fine. i'm selfish ok. i'm unreasonable, i'm disappointing.
rachel ♥
10:12 PM
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Game over.
That's it. It's really just that. Whether you choose the replay button or choose to close the browser and try another game, that's another matter. the fact remains. game over. in this round at least, i've lost.
rachel ♥
9:29 PM
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Saturday, November 7, 2009
what is life? people say life is a gift. oh really?
true, we should be thankful for what we have and leave a life of gratitude and fortitude, but at many times we look at the transcience of it all --
the imperfections, the pain, the obstacles, the challenges, the disappointments, the expectations, the worries, the fear, the unknown, the future, the hurt, the sorrow, the sadness, the dark, the lonely, the empty, the masked, the hidden, the unspoken, the abandoned, the gone, the unachievable, the disowned, the unwanted, the cruelty, the practicality, the impossible, the missed, the lost, the fallen, the conjured, the afraid, the inability, the victimised, the sacrificed, the worthless, the misinterpreted, the forgone, the flawed...
and we think to ourselves, maybe it's time to trade that long-term pain, for the mere seconds of pain which will lead to relief...i finally understood what those people thought, and actually, it may really open the door to forgiveness and release...
i can't do this anymore. i'm sorry, i love you.
rachel ♥
8:49 PM
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Thursday, November 5, 2009
i'm supposed to be practising my piano/ packing my room/ doing lunwen proposal/ H3 proposal/ memorising op script now... ><
(ya right stupid rachel tang if you were unemotional or if you COULD be then you would not be like that now. sucker.) meeting peirong later to dont know do what LOL. love having someone stay near me.. :D miss cheah, you better love it too! haha. both wanted to go shopping but both too lazy LOL. she lost her library card, i don want to watch gossip girl, she wants to eat some pasta thing, i want to eat chicken rice o.0 aiya the point is, we still don know wht to do after lunch ><
(ya... better than thinking of you 24/7..) mr sng's farewell ceremony tmr... sigh... we'll all certainly miss him so so much... hope the fond memories dunman high has left him will be with him for a lifetime.. (: thank you for everything, for being such a great and encouraging principal, and for being the one, dunmanians respect. though i really don't want you to go, it's for the betterment of your future.. so... all the best! (:
i don't even get why i am so scared... the fear is inhibiting everything i want to do about it. i'm just afraid, i guess... of you finding me irritating, of you not wanting to talk to me, of you being upset, of you being stressed, of me being a burden to you, of you.... of you not liking me. RARH. the sea ahead is engulfed by haze... but i'm too far from the shore... what to do? just jump in and drown.. (:
rachel ♥
11:36 AM
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Tuesday, November 3, 2009
OMG MY RIGHT ARM HURTS LIKE MAD I TOOK FORTY-FIVE MINUTES TO BATHE WITHOUT DAYDREAMING/STONING OMGGGGG. haha. who said jabs aren't painful!!! THEY HURT LIKE CRAP GOSHHHHHH. and jyz, SORRY LARH ya i feel retarded for jabbing it on my right hand too cos i am really half-handicapped omg someone help me!!!!! :X
these two days have been pretty eventful. stayed over for pw till ytd, and as usual my grp went crazy HAHA. but i guess this time was the ultimate... from 'arguing' to 'cold-warring' to 'sushi-ing' to sandwiching each other between matresses... plus watching of secret/real madrid match/ xing guang da dao.. no wonder our productivity was o.0 ok larh but it was really fun haha! esp the pillow fights and watching samuel+joylynn play tennis wii. love my pw grp!!! (: managed to somewhat finish the video though, so at least sth accomplished. and surprisingly (and sadly), i was the first one to conk out. sigh. so i kept taking short naps (coffee didn't work larh!) but in the end the whole grp fell aslp about 4 plus... after some chitchatting about the diff mentalities of guys and girls -.- how insightful...
went teoheng with nicholas, pris lee, daniel and bensim+jingjie who joined us like super late.. haha. quite fun..but stupid nicholas had to suan me as usual -.- sighh. duets were fun too.. (: and ting1 hai3 with pris was cool cos we tried shouting HAHA. in the end we really hecked about yin zhun and just shouted practically all the songs o.0 thank god for ben sim's strepsil, which saved my voice + throat haha. oh and, finally gave pris her super belated bday present, hope she liked it though lol. ms mtg after.. (was late lol sorry!) then headed home... all thanks to miss gan who got my facial muscles working -.- linda came back... and we just chitchatted... thanks girls, for everything, regardless of whether they were consolations or lectures. haha. i will think through...
TODAY! jab with jyz which was a horrid experience. thankfully the afternoon made up for it! pw was alright, and stoned in school while waiting to meet jeen and liqin to meet yilin at marina square! (city hall again..) yilin super funny, she didn't know 3 of us were tgt so she was like selectively replying our sms-es and she was pretty shocked all 3 of us sms-ed her o.0 and she was the latest! :D and we thought she got lost lol... wanted to catch a movie but no nice show. hurried to breeks cafe for dinner just in time for the student's meal! :D HAHA. worth it lorh... food wasn't bad, but super filling lol. then just walked around... tricking each other.. suanning each other.. laughing at each other... 'camwhoring'... chitchatting... i love them.. loads. thank you for everything girls, you all never fail to make my day <3
pw trial with miss aw again tmr.. hope everything goes well (: hopefully can catch sister's keeper with jyz (+others) tmr haha. ok, i shall go back to memorising my script and watching yummy yummy :D (and maybe doing lunwen proposal sigh..)
Speechless- The Veronicas
Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home
Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life
I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no
Cuz you leave me speechless (the way you smile, the way you touch my face)
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless (it's something that you do I can't explain)
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you
whatever i do... at the back of my mind.. there's always you... i feel so ironic... and i have no choice.. fear consumes me.. i try to be strong so that ppl won't worry.. and i try to deceive myself by thinking that if i act fine i will be.. but it doesn't work this way. they're right in that they can't help me... i have to deal with it myself.. but i don want to.. and i don know.. how to not like you.
rachel ♥
10:18 PM
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