Saturday, June 26, 2010
life is a battlefield. and i'm now being torn trampled upon / torn apart/ ripped open or whatever you call it. i just want to skip through all the pain and reach the happy ending. but true, without the pain, the ending wouldn't seem all that happy. i bet 10 years down the road i will look back and find myself really stupid. absurd even. well, i already know i am. but still, it doesn't change anything.
rachel ♥
11:26 PM
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romantic or realist.. i guess i can't deny i'm a romantic through and through eh? prefer following heart over head, loves happy fairytale endings though knowing they are not possible in reality, crying my heart out for drama characters and everything.. i love watching dramas. when watching dramas, i don't have to put up any pretence. just let the dramas take me wherever they go . dramas make me feel 'human', compared to the cold, aimless life i feel i am leading. if only my life was a drama. haha. with a guaranteed happy ending like that in 'The Mysteries of Love". Touching show, realistic with ups and downs of life, typical story of how ppl's mindset changes after near death experiences which make them realise wht they really treasure and appreciate and everything, leading to a though cliche but heartwarming ending all viewers look forward too.. the search for predictability and a happy ending... something everyone wants. right? (:
rachel ♥
1:31 AM
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010
went out to study with peirong at esplanade! some pig was so lazy we took a bus to aljunied mrt LOL. ohwell. i have bus pass anw (: sigh we both got killed by math topics... APGP and Sigma.. which we wasted practically one day on :x ended up at starbucks after lunch and a bit of window shopping haha. and spent a fair bit of time at Times..
came across a book at Times today... by the same author as Letters to Sam! Great author (: i found sth he said really meaningful: "it seems as if the more we let go, the more we experience love. love is beyond everything else -- anxiety, resentment, desire, hope. Love is open-hearted, demands nothing and needs nothing. It is more likely to visit when our desires are quiet, when we don't need and want much, and when we accept that everything we love is not permanent but with us at this very moment. Love cures people -- both the ones who give it and those who receive it." haha.. just tugged at my heartstrings somehow. ended up doing a few random personality quizzes published by MENSA with peirong lol. and we saw this book abt time-managing, we should so get it heh :X thanks girl for the study session today, and for the short chat.. you're right, and yup, i shouldn't pretend it doesn't exist.
furniture's gna come in tmr and thurs, honestly i feel abit she3 bu4 de2. the familiar look of everything -- the study, the bedroom, the hall, all going to change. maybe it's for the better lar, after all it's being 20 years, but some things just cannot be replaced. and things cannot be permanent -- they will grow old, turn dusty, and lose their purpose and meaning one day. nothing's permanent eh. change, inevitable (: i should take some pictures before the big revamp haha. i never knew this about myself, but i just realised, i really really, hate change.
rachel ♥
10:49 PM
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Sunday, June 13, 2010
just came back from a family chalet... woke up at 500 this morning to catch the sunrise!! and we reached the beach and walked for don know how long before we checked and realised sunrise was at 7 -.- caught it anw, and yup it was beautiful haha.
will we have the chance to watch it tgt someday?
nothing much to say, except that i think i am pretty dead cos there's only 2 weeks left of the hols and i haven't been following my revision / lunwen/ H3 plans at all! argh! oh well nvm. there are 2 weeks left.. let's make the best out of it :X and hopefully on a good start tmr by finally packing the room sigh.
decided to embark on a 'project' starting today. hopefully i can faithfully carry it through till the end.. and hopefully the results will prove my efforts worthwhile (: jiayou everyone! :D
rachel ♥
9:02 PM
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Friday, June 4, 2010
always happens in dramas, stories, movies... about ppl losing their loved ones all of a sudden, really without any prior 'knowledge' so much that it comes as a shock followed by immense pain and then regretting not spending enough time / regretting not saying or doing wht they wanted to with that person etc, the remorse for the unfulfilled dates, unkept promises, hurtful words.. i always wondered how i would deal with these situations should they ever happen to me.. but i nvr ever expected it to really happen to me / someone (who used to be) close to me...
just read the past week's papers today, and it really came as a shock.. told my mum and she asked if i was sure... yup... i checked... your name, your bro's and your mum's correspond.. i remember the last time i met you abt 1 year + / 2 years back? you were telling me about your brother... how much he changed and how fantastic he now was.. and his ambitions and everything, and how your parents and you were proud of him... and now.. i know it isn't fair.. and i know you're probably trying vry hard to cope with it.. we aren't that close now.. it's been long since i last talked to you, and i lost your number... but i hope you will see the email.. and know that if you do need to, i can, and will be there for you girl. please take care of yourself, and stay strong..
which leads me to think.. how many regrets will i have if i were to just leave one day? the me you knew 6 years back, you'd probably think i'd leave regretless? haha. maybe it was true then... i didn't exactly let my parents down, my grades were kinda fine, piano was one of my more 'outstanding' achievements, teachers and family members were 'prouder' of me i guess, i had close friends, a 'loved' one... and at that time, i didn't contemplate that much. so i guess i fulfilled all my promises, did i? and yup, i wasn't that afraid to express my feelings. now.. i'm scared, my grades suck, disappointing much, and everything else.. throw in indecisiveness and fear to say how i feel.. in the end, i really don't want to leave with so many regrets if i really had to without prior notice one day, cos life's unpredictable, but if life were to go on as normal, i'd, once again, have no courage to face the 'consequences' for wht i say/ do..
ppl always say live life to the fullest and live every moment to your last, but when someone really lives life without qualms about tmr, we usually attach negative connotations, like 'rash', 'impulsive' etc. life's an irony..
rachel ♥
8:15 PM
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Tuesday, June 1, 2010
haha i should have seen the signs.. maybe all of them were right all along.
rachel ♥
11:35 PM
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