Friday, June 4, 2010
always happens in dramas, stories, movies... about ppl losing their loved ones all of a sudden, really without any prior 'knowledge' so much that it comes as a shock followed by immense pain and then regretting not spending enough time / regretting not saying or doing wht they wanted to with that person etc, the remorse for the unfulfilled dates, unkept promises, hurtful words.. i always wondered how i would deal with these situations should they ever happen to me.. but i nvr ever expected it to really happen to me / someone (who used to be) close to me...
just read the past week's papers today, and it really came as a shock.. told my mum and she asked if i was sure... yup... i checked... your name, your bro's and your mum's correspond.. i remember the last time i met you abt 1 year + / 2 years back? you were telling me about your brother... how much he changed and how fantastic he now was.. and his ambitions and everything, and how your parents and you were proud of him... and now.. i know it isn't fair.. and i know you're probably trying vry hard to cope with it.. we aren't that close now.. it's been long since i last talked to you, and i lost your number... but i hope you will see the email.. and know that if you do need to, i can, and will be there for you girl. please take care of yourself, and stay strong..
which leads me to think.. how many regrets will i have if i were to just leave one day? the me you knew 6 years back, you'd probably think i'd leave regretless? haha. maybe it was true then... i didn't exactly let my parents down, my grades were kinda fine, piano was one of my more 'outstanding' achievements, teachers and family members were 'prouder' of me i guess, i had close friends, a 'loved' one... and at that time, i didn't contemplate that much. so i guess i fulfilled all my promises, did i? and yup, i wasn't that afraid to express my feelings. now.. i'm scared, my grades suck, disappointing much, and everything else.. throw in indecisiveness and fear to say how i feel.. in the end, i really don't want to leave with so many regrets if i really had to without prior notice one day, cos life's unpredictable, but if life were to go on as normal, i'd, once again, have no courage to face the 'consequences' for wht i say/ do..
ppl always say live life to the fullest and live every moment to your last, but when someone really lives life without qualms about tmr, we usually attach negative connotations, like 'rash', 'impulsive' etc. life's an irony..
rachel ♥
8:15 PM
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