Sunday, May 31, 2009
semester 1 has ended. on a... dreadful note? then again what's there to dread when i can't possibly do any worse than this semester? -.- in terms of results, coping with everything, doing my work, going for lessons, spending time with friends and family... haha. i've reached the dip. it really can't be any worse. can it? in a mere span of 5+ months, so much has changed. i thought i could do it, but i guess i overestimated myself. i'm not as strong, as capable, as smart, as hardworking... as i thought i could be. i've got to learn how to pick myself up. i can't afford to keep with this disappointing performance. the disappointment of teachers. relatives and family. friends. words, can really cut. deeply.
oh well. let's just look forward to the 'holiday'. and this time, i will really give no less than my best. nothing's gonna change the things that you said, nothing's gonna make things alright again; please don't turn your back on, can't believe it's hard just to talk to you cause you don't understand..
rachel ♥
7:56 PM
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Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I swear i will ace this chem test. not b. and certainly not a c. but first, i need to get my motivation for mugging... stupid hopeless girl >< it doesn't help i am d-ing/f-ing or my csc stuff. great. i can't wait for cts. they'll probably just be the last straw. at least there'll be something to torture me. and maybe temporarily take my mind off stuff. if i can survive them, that is. incoherence... as usual.
I want to numb the pain ... but it will make it worse when i finally feel it? It’s hard to tell myself to stop, when i clearly know my heart still does. ultimately, i can't get past myself.
maybe i should just distance myself away from you.
rachel ♥
10:04 PM
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Sunday, May 3, 2009
going to china might not be such a bad thing after all. i can't wait to go. and perhaps, never come back.
i placed way too much hope on us. the feeling of disappointment, hopeless, loss, uncertainty... now, all too familiar.
rachel ♥
9:08 PM
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