Thursday, December 31, 2009
in another 20 mins or so, it'll be the start of a new year, marking the busiest year to come, wht with A levels, Dip, and the numerous tuition gifts from my mum haha. ohwell one year... i guess i can survive, right?
not exactly in a very reflective mood or wht, but nevertheless, i want to thank everyone who has been there for me throughout the year... 2009 has been a very very eventful year, and for all its sadness, it will be a year i will always remember. there've been many many ups and downs, and yup this is the year with the most times when i thought i would never get through stuff, but ultimately, i'm still here lol. maybe sad for some ppl, but ya, i am still surviving haha. maybe bigger eye bags, darker eye rings etc.. but yea. ok let's start showing some gratitude...
firstly, thank you JEENISE LIQIN YILIN for always being there. you girls are really an amazing bunch of friends who i feel comfortable doing like anything with, thank you so so so so so much for everything, from emo-ing to shopping to spree-ing to movie-ing to gossiping to slacking to balling to... looking forward to one more year of memory-building, before we go our separate ways.. HAHA. ok shan't emo here now, shall wait till next year (:
next, thank you PEIRONG, my vry vry vry wonderful neighbour-across-the-street cum classmate cum 'counsellor'. i'm sorry you've had to be put through so many of my 'moods' this year, and having to see the super weak side of me.. haha. thank you for being there, really, if not many a times i really wouldn't have known what to do. you know, i have always admired your ability to be logical and reason things out, and yea, though i always debate with you, i do know it when you make sense, and yup i can be rational one lah HAHA. thanks for all the attempt-to-mug dates, random shopping dates, for coming down to chat just after a call and stuff.. thank you for everything. you're a friend i miraculously meet after like kindergarten, and your friendship, is one i will always treasure (:
JIAYANZ, JOYLYNN, SAMUEL! my superb PW group members! thank you for making PW journey so much more fun and fulfilling for me, and thank you for all the randomness, crappiness like wht sushi-roll thing (LOL) etc, and for all the chats and insightful talks... i'm really glad that PW gave me a chance to work with you guys, and really, the PW journey will always be a fond memory i'll always carry with me :D
XINGQI, YIXIANG! one's my ahgong, one's my bro. hmm... thank you for being there for me... for the former, i'm really really really happy for you that you've found *ahem* haha... nothing much to say... not really in the mood i guess, haha! just that... well, thanks for everything ahgong, for all the encouragement and everything, i guess i am really honoured to be your sunnv. haha. here's wishing you and *ahem* all the best in the coming year. you'll have my bestest wishes (: as for my beloved bro whom i've known for like what, 5 years, thanks for everything too. haha. all the best in the coming year ok, jie'll always hold you in my prayers (:
SOPHIA, OLIVIA! haha the two of you also always hear me emo... here, i'd like to thank you all and also apologise.. hah. i'll try to not let my heart take control so much ok, and think more with my head HAHA. thanks sophia... esp that period, when i totally broke down at esplanade (LOL i'll never forget -.-) and everything else, and when i was being really retarded and stupid, thanks for being there. hah. thank god for council, if not i'd srsly really not have met such a great friend like you. haha. thank you (: oli, thank you for those deep, insightful chats which made me see so many things from another perspective.
AMANDA, SIEW ENG, LINDA! haha thank you for lending a listening ear when i needed, all 3 of you have very UNIQUE methods of getting me to 'open up' eh.. haha. thank you for the chats (amanda), lectures (SE LOL) and spontaneous-chats-over-dinners + walking me home etc lol (linda). thank you girls so so much (: looking forward to another great year together haha.
NICHOLAS, PRIS LEE, DANIEL, BEN SIM! lol thank you nic and pris for the encouragement and idk, wise words (LOL) and nic although you always suan me, i shall be nice and only mention the nice things you did HAHA. so yup. thank you for cheering me up with videos and comments which i cannot help but laugh at LOL and nic, don so flirt this year alr ok! wht stacey then don know who.. so many can! haha. be more zhuan1 yi1 larh (: pris... be happy ok.. haha. just follow your heart, you won't be wrong (: daniel and bensim, thanks for the K session.. haha. one of the more memorable things i did this year lol. so... all the best to you all in the coming year too... thanks for everything (:
MAYPING, YILING! haha you 2... usually MIA but when i needed you, you all were always there... thank you so so much, for listening to me rant, for making me laugh, for the long phone calls, for the handing-in-work-late-together oops, for the times during bsp trips, for the time you dragged me to orchard and vivo ahemahem to get your lit books.. haha! thank you girls, the two of you really really brightened up my life (:
ESTHER (NG), HILDA, XINYUN! haha! first one always makes me happy cos she's shorter than me HEHE :D (shit i think same height >< ) well... daxiaojie (she calls herself that hah), thanks for that day at ecp... although after that my legs hurt like crap (plus SHIC somemore!) it was really worth it haha. we should do that again sometime soon too, just that for now we'd better do sth about hw.. ): thank you for the times during the bsp trip too, and sry you had to see me break down as well... xiexie ni (: second one, my dear roommate... hah. hilda arh.. in the new year... i shall buy you a idk. cheetah? rabbit? HAHA. so that you can be FASTER heh! k lar kidding k. thanks for listening to me, thanks for the heart-to-heart talks, thanks for those late nights chionging lunwen tgt (i will nvr forget it lol), thanks for the having-to-bear-with-freezing-cold-water-tgt when the shower in china was faulty lol, thanks for the shopping trips... may you be happier in the new year ok (: xinyun! haha bsp let me know you that bit better! (: thank you for the memories during the bsp trip(s)... i'll never forget how hard it is to wake you up HEH, how 'good' your memory is at wht happens when you are aslp (lol recollect hilda hitting you and mayping blah blah.. HAHA), how we braved the cold winds tgt in china, how we gossiped and laughed and chatted and shua-shua-guoed and broke curfews heh and complained about lunwen and ranted about ahemahem... haha. thank you for everything (:
GEKTENG, PRIS TAN! Haha first one, thanks for being a great endorsement model (heh though i don't think you were willing HAHA) and a great friend larh haha. first got to know you better through orientation, and yup, thanks for everything, from taking care of me when my ankle was injured, to complaining about blah blah, to going to ao sai to dig for books together, to the various consultations tgt, to doing make-up chem experiments with me HEH... thank you for everything auntie! (: i'll always rmbr that your jacket is vry nice to hit haha! lovelove :D (you still owe me a treat for that fantastic 'show' put up about you being mayping's angel HAHA) Priscilla, thank you for the climb up changcheng tgt, thank you for random dinners and chats and complaints etc... you're really super funny heh! looking forward to another great year. be happy ok! (: love you haha!
GUIJU, LJM! haha thank you 2 for being retardedly funny friends HEH. although both of you are like consistenly suanning me, thanks for making my bsp trip(s) filled with laughter (sometimes with you sometimes at you HAHA) (: esp ljm, i'm glad i was your angel HEHE thanks for the memories interviewing tgt with those profs and everything haha. have a great year ahead k (:
WX, SEAN, JX, TERENCE! haha 4 of you i knew better under vry different circumstances lol.. but nevertheless, thank you for all the encouragement and everything. i know each of you have your own troubles as well, so i really hope that everything will go well for you all too. smile ok! and believe in miracles (: haha. and become delusional like me.. LOL jk! but yup, may 2010 be much better and happier for you all, rgdless of your pursuits, may everything you wish for come true (:
EXCO 0708! although we seldom meet up and stuff now, i do cherish every moment i have with you all. honest. you guys are a group of very special friends, and thank you for every memory you'll have left me. all the best for 2010 k... let's hope As will not deter us from having meet ups... haha.
and last but not least, you (: i've said whatever i want to, and yup, i just want you to know that i mean everything i said, and you will always always always be a part of my happy memories. thank you for everything, and i really believe that as long as we believe we can, things will be fine in the end. i wish the same thing for you too, although i really hope that i can be the one to help you through this, but ultimately, as long as you are happy, i guess there's really nothing more i can wish for. thank you for everything, thank you for making this year so memorable and fulfilling, we'll take 2010 as it comes yup. let nature take its course (: if i could have 1 wish for 2010, this'd be my biggest one for a happy ending, hah...
haha so that's for hoping to start 2010 on a positive note. oh it's alr 12.30 alr lol! woah this took like wht, 50 mins o.0 and i'm still waiting for.. haha. anw so yup. let's hope next year when i do something like this, there will be many many more happy memories (: happy new year!
rachel ♥
11:37 PM
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Meeting jyz later, after so long haha. Hopefully can have some catch-up time/ shopping time after the meeting heh (: retail therapy... but i've been spending and not getting reimbursements from my mum (for new year clothes!) so maybe i should curb myself HAHA. peirong you see this? yup we so need to just walk around window-shopping and gasping at the amazingly-insane prices. i miss you! hurry come back haha.
CO SHIC was pretty much great, kudos to the committee for making it possible :D GROUP 6 ROCKS OK! Ah Long Pte Ltd HEH. oh ya and thanks to huijing's group for the shampoo, although neck abit pain after that, actually it's quite comfortable HEH. liuyihui, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO BE MORE GENTLE TYVM haha! stayover at jeenise's after Day 1, finally the first one with all 4 of us present. Learnt how to play Monopoly Deal from the girl who keeps reminding others of her birthday :P, bridged and taiteed but sad, we all had to do work-related stuff prior to playing so didn't really play for long. short chats and updates, thanks to the 3 of you for being a part of my life. seriously. i love you guys loads k. thanks for everything, especially during this time... haha. but sometimes talking to the 3 of you not fun one can, cos you all alr know ultimately how i will react! tsktsk just let me stay in delusion awhile longer... >< recce was -.- sighhhh in the end couldn't work out, no choice, guess just have to stick to the original plan. 3 days before OGL dry run, hope everything goes fine. sigh. and i STILL haven't started on my homework. Time is ticking away, rachel, you are so dead o.0
the dreams have returned. God, if it's not going to happen, please please please stop giving me such fantasy-like dreams. Cos it really really kills me when i wake up and find that it's nowhere near reality. And, it doesn't help me forget you in any way, you just kill me more everytime you do it.
rachel ♥
8:53 AM
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Sunday, December 27, 2009
why do you always do things thinking they are in my best interest, but yet you never ask for my opinion? have you ever considered how i feel? you have your expectations, i have my limits. i never asked you to lower your expectations for me, i just want you to realise that i do get tired, i do get upset, and i do have things i really want to do. and they happen to just not fall under your category of 'beneficial things'. sorry i'm not like him, i'm not like her, i'm not like that student of yours, i'm not the perfect straight-A person you want me to be. you can have your dreams for me, but could you not refute my own aspirations and tell me to be realistic everytime you ask me what i want to do in future? i know i have nothing for you to be proud of, and i'm really sorry, but i just don't, and can't fit into your mould of an ideal student. what i want for christmas... is for new year not to come.
all i ask is for us to try to rebuild it together and to return to the past, is it too much to ask for? maybe, it is.
rachel ♥
9:14 PM
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Thursday, December 24, 2009
there's no right or wrong answer... and there's no telling what each decision would lead us into... taking the first step... hope everything goes well.
as i was packing today, came across alot of things... documents, scripts, photos, the stuff you gong way back... and i don't want to just let it all go.. what about you?
rachel ♥
12:22 PM
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
escalators/ lifts / aircons (when wearing jackets) are the best inventions in the world, while heels are the worst. for now, at least, after my feet are aching crap after Yr 4 YEP. clarke quay is beautiful, especially at night. i always wanted to go there with you, but i guess there's no more chance? (: the Year 4s were all dressed up and pretty, with a wide variety of costumes. jeenise be proud of me k, i did wear your dress >< haha. after like wht. 1 year? sigh. i wish i could break the traditional stereotype of girl=wear dress+heels at prom next year by turning up in some idk shirt and jeans or sth but then again, it's just a thought. HAHA. my cousin was at my house when i was preparing to go for YEP duty. and she was chiding me for actly considering changing out of the dress and wearing jeans+shirt. and she's younger than me -.- and my maid didn't let me leave the house in flats. sigh.
was late for duty, sry! tried to make myself useful so walked around doing reception/photobooth and randomly talking to some Year 4s. feel so old haha. after that took a few random walks around the area... it's really nice walking alone and looking at the river.. looking into the sky you suddenly feel so small... and watching everybody pass you by, it's like you are so insignificant. just any other person God created. so small, that your absence will not be missed.. oli came to find me and we sat at the steps, just staring into space.. till this guy came to ask us to do a survey. in CHINESE. lol. and i gave nonsensical answers. i hope the company doesn't call up or sth o.0 cos of my rubbish answers haha. i shouldn't have given my real number o.0 retarded lol. we did a mini science experiment (kang's brilliant idea of seeing the impact of helium balloons) ON MY HAIR and OLI'S SPECS by tying helium balloons to them and see whether my hair and oli's specs will 'fly up'! haha. ohwells. amusing. before we left after duties, we went by the river, each holding a balloon, and we let them go after making wishes... i really really really hope what i'd wish for will come true. for now at least, that's the only thing i can do for you... seeing the balloons fly higher and higher and finally disappear into the dark...
it makes me think of you... if i'd the courage and will to let go, maybe you will be like the balloons, soaring higher and higher, finally out of sight, treading your own path, and hopefully, being happy wherever you are... and now i'm wasting my life away in front of the computer, waiting for something which almost certainly will not happen. ohwells. goodnight.
rachel ♥
12:13 AM
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Sunday, December 20, 2009
went cycling with jeenise today! <3 kind of a last minute decision ytd night but nvrtheless, it was super fun and rewarding albeit the tiredness from the trip. we cycled super far today! (in our opinion at least) from her house at katong park there all the way to changi airport runway (somewhere there lar) where we watched planes take off and land (: haha the park connectors between ECP and CBP (changi beach park) are super 'rural' and peaceful.. nice place (: but had accidents though... firstly i don know wht on earth i was doing/thinking and i fell -.- wow rachel haha. so i got souvenirs from this trip: cut elbow and arm and knee :D cool eh. secondly sth happened to the bike! the chain came out or sth, so both of us got our hands really dirty trying to repair it, but in the end it was this really nice uncle who helped us (: and jeenise actually dropped her smiley keychain, but a super nice biker caught up with us to return it to her! so we saw nice singaporeans today, haha. what a 'warm welcome' back from the smoking, spitting c**** ppl LOL. thanks darling for today, i really had fun with all the in-between chats and the 'filling up on each other's lives' as you'd call it, and i hope you did too (: we started off at 245pm and reached back at 745 pm..(and jeenise, i do feel now that i don ever wna cycle again, HAHA) thanks to her parents for the ride home, or else i think i'd have gotten slaughtered LOL.
my uncle came... and he came with a "Brain teaser" all because i stupidly told him i am interested in law and i don mind chem. so he came with a 'court case' and concluded that my bro's a better lawyer than i am. sigh. ohwells. and i think i pissed my piano teacher off, by saying that i have camps and meetings starting today. though true, i think he was like -.- how on earth am i going to pass my dip like that? yknow wht mr ku, i don't know either. haha.
next few days packed with dry runs, yr 4 yep and everything, i srsly wonder how i'm going to finish my hw. lol. ohwells. i promise i will do an update about the trip and post up the pictures someday soon! :D when i can find the time... sigh. i really really really really really miss the trip. honest. though coming home is.. let's just say a ttly diff feeling, and the warmth i felt only during the touchdown when they said welcome to singapore and i look at the night scene outside ( i really love touching down at night lol) is not enough to negate everything else. ohwells.
i don't know how long more i can put up with all these. i really feel like retreating into a corner now... somewhere no one else can find. i'm amidst friends, i'm among people, but...
rachel ♥
10:50 PM
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Saturday, December 12, 2009
i swear lunwen's killing us. i swear. and i hate it to the max. period. what a bad way to end the whole immersion programme with the writing of lunwen. and now we don't really have time to explore shanghai. sighhhhh. and what am i still doing, blogging here? i don't know haha. just felt a bit tired of collating the interview results (omg mayping we both have around 10! :O) and ya i would feel wasted if i didn't make full use of the programme i downloaded which allowed me to access the otherwise inaccessible webpages like blogger so ya (: one more week to go, trust me, i know i'm weird but i really don wanna go back. yup albeit tired of lunwen and missing friends+family, there are many other reasons for me to not want to go back. ohwells. and the holiday's almost over, i haven't touched my schoolwork. at all. serious. rachel tang, you are so dead. sighhhhh. i wonder wht they'll do to us if we can't finish lunwen. i don't mind them grounding me here in shanghai until i finish actually (: ... ya right obviously not. tsk. aiya i should get back to doing lunwen. everything's been fine on the trip i suppose when i get back i shall do a post about it (since it's the last trip hah) and I PROMISE i'll upload all the photos i owe ok (: jiayou everyone! <3
p.s. thank you angel.
p.p.s. mortal, don't be surprised next thursday when my identity is revealed.
quoting yuehuan's blog: "Cinderella walked on broken glass. Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a hideous beast. Pocahontas risked her life for a feast.Jasmine married a common thief. Mulan was given disbelief. Ariel walked on land for love and life. Snow White barely escaped a knife. It was all about blood, sweat, and tears, because love means facing your biggest fears." haha sweet.
one month away didn't change my feelings for you. not in the least bit. in fact, it intensified. anyway, it is heartwarming and reassuring to see how sweet you two are. it's time to go (:
rachel ♥
11:39 PM
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